New Year, Same Struggle? Here's How to Set Goals That Stick

It’s that time of year again, when people start thinking about the past year and how they want 2025 to look like. I’m not a fan of New Year's resolutions and never have been. Even before I became a psychologist the idea of “new year new me” always seemed artificial. The phrase alone implies that their is something wrong with you…What’s wrong with the “me” now? Why does their have to be a “new” one? Don’t get me wrong I’m all for self-improvement, but the idea of creating a whole new person is plain impossible. Even if you don’t have such lofty goals, the idea of an arbitrary date creating sustained motivation for change is just plain silly in my opinion. Despite New Year's resolutions being notoriously hard to keep, we all tend to want to make some changes in the new year. I think there’s a healthy balance that we need to strike in order to make New Year's resolutions more successful. In this blog I’ll talk about why New Year's resolutions tend to not work and a how a values based approach to self-improvement is a better mindset to have going in to the new year. 

Why New Year's resolutions don’t work

When you really think about the whole concept of New Year's resolutions it makes sense why they don’t tend to work for most people. The dates on a calendar don’t actually mean anything but there is a lot of meaning we attribute to dates. It’s the way we as humans make sense of the world. In order to create sustainable change it has to come from a place of internal motivation rather than external. Just because society or other people tell us that the first of the new year is when we should start making changes doesn’t translate into long term change. 

Here are some other common reasons why New Year's resolutions tend to fail:

1. Lack of Alignment with Core Values

Most resolutions focus on surface-level changes. For example, resolving to “lose 20 pounds” might seem like a worthwhile goal, but if it’s not tied to a deeper value, such as maintaining health to enjoy time with loved ones, it’s unlikely to be sustained. Goals that aren’t connected to what truly matters to you can feel hollow and de-motivating. When we are connected to our core values it can be easier to push past low motivation because we are connecting to something deeper within ourselves.

2. All-or-Nothing Mentality

Resolutions often set people up for failure by promoting an all-or-nothing mindset. Missing a gym session or slipping up on a diet can lead to feelings of defeat and abandonment of the goal altogether. Especially when you have low self-esteem and/or perfectionistic tendencies, it’s easy to fall into this mentality. When you are rigid with yourself it tends to lead to failure in the long run because it doesn’t allow for the flexibility needed to tolerate mistakes. Instead, when you didn’t do perfectly on your diet or you spent a little more than your budget allowed, you attribute that to a total failure rather than a mistake that you can easily bounce back from. 

3. Over-reliance on Willpower

Willpower is great for getting started on tasks but terrible for working on long term goals. I like to think of discipline and motivation more like emotions, they tend to be fleeting. So when we rely on a fleeting internal state to carry us across a finish line, it’s a strategy that is bound to fail.  

A Better Approach: Value-Based Goals

Instead of making resolutions, consider setting goals rooted in your core values. Values are the guiding principles that define what is most important to you. They provide a sense of purpose and direction, making your efforts feel more meaningful and sustainable. A lot of people struggle to identify what their values even are. It’s often difficult to identify them because they tend to be more subconscious motivators of behavior. We often act on auto pilot and feel disconnected to why we choose to live our lives in certain ways. Here are some questions to help you clarify what your values might be

• What makes me feel most fulfilled?
• What do I want my life to stand for?
• What kind of person do I aspire to be?

Here’s a great resource if you want to explore your values more: https://www.actmindfully.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Values_Checklist_-_Russ_Harris.pdf

The Role of Self-Compassion in Accomplishing Goals

Even if you’ve identified your values, if you’re beating yourself up if your not aligning with your values, you’ll still struggle with sustained change. It’s so important to practice self-compassion when your working towards any long term goal. When you treat yourself compassionately when you mess up you’re so much more likely to get back on track rather than if you berate yourself for just being human. When you are self-critical your more likely to fall into rigid thinking about yourself and give up on your long term goals. 

Ultimately, the challenge of maintaining New Year's resolutions lies in their often rigid and perfectionistic nature, which can lead to discouragement when setbacks occur. Adopting a values-based approach offers a more sustainable path by focusing on what truly matters to you and guiding your actions in alignment with your core principles. When paired with self-compassion, this mindset encourages resilience and growth, allowing you to learn from challenges rather than being defeated by them. Remember, meaningful change doesn’t require perfection—just a commitment to your values and a willingness to embrace the journey with kindness toward yourself. If you’d like to dig in to more about what’s keeping you from reaching your goals, reach out here to set up a consultation to see if we’d be a good fit.