Is Low Self-Esteem Holding You Back? Key Signs to Recognize For Women
Although we’ve come a long way from where we were a few decades ago with the stigma around mental health issues, there are still some taboo topics in society. Low self-esteem is one of the mental health struggles that is unfortunately still something that people don’t like to talk about. It’s typically not socially appropriate to bring up how much you beat yourself up at a party or when catching up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Some people may not even be aware that they have low self-esteem. This post will explore the signs of low self-esteem in women so you can start understanding whether or not it’s an area you want to improve on.
Understanding The Concept of Low Self-Esteem
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the term low self-esteem because it feels like a categorical way of defining yourself which I don’t think is healthy. However, for the purpose of understanding yourself, it can be helpful to understand what low self-esteem is. Self-esteem refers to the level of confidence you have in your abilities. The term is often used interchangeably with self-worth. I think self-esteem and self-worth are actually pretty different but I’ll stick with the concept of self-esteem for the purposes of this post. When you have low self-esteem you don’t believe in your ability to be successful in a certain area. Low self-esteem can show up in lots of different areas in life. For example, when you have low self-esteem you might doubt your ability to be a good mom, partner, employee, etc. You might have more confidence in one area of your life but might struggle in a different area. Even though men struggle with low self-esteem, women tend to struggle more with self-criticism. There’s so much pressure placed on women starting from a young age to be subservient to others so it makes sense that women often struggle with feelings of not being good enough. Let's get into some of the signs of low self esteem in women
Perfectionism
One of the signs of low self-esteem in women is when the standards are too high. It’s easy to feel like a failure when the expectation for yourself is to be at 150% at all times. Often times perfectionists don’t realize that they are expecting too much of themselves so the bar that they’ve set seems achievable. They attribute not reaching the goals to themselves rather than the bar being too high so it makes sense that it would impact their self esteem negatively.
Procrastination
Perfectionism and procrastination are often two sides of the same coin. Chronic perfectionism can lead to procrastination because of how unattainable the standards are. It makes sense that you would delay starting on the to do list that is so long you get exhausted just thinking about it. Sometimes though, procrastination can be unrelated to perfectionism and can be another sign of low self-esteem in women. The type of procrastination I’m talking about is when you don’t have the belief in yourself that you can accomplish something so you don’t even try. This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy because you’re saying no to opportunities to prove to your self that you might be more capable than you think. When you don’t give yourself chances to improve your low self-esteem, the narrative around your lack of belief in yourself only gets stronger.
Negative self-talk
The way you talk to yourself is one of the best ways to evaluate your self-esteem. When you have a strong inner critic that you’re aware of, this is a pretty obvious sign of low self-esteem in women. If you berate yourself when you make a mistake or spend a lot of time ruminating over past mistakes you’ve made, it is usually an indication of low self-esteem. It can be difficult to change your self-talk, but with awareness and practice you can get better at changing your self-talk into a more positive tone.
People pleasing
Another way that low self-esteem in women manifests is people pleasing. The fear of disappointing people is often rooted in a sense of only being accepted if you are doing things for other people. If you find yourself saying yes to things you don’t want to do or over-committing to things and being exhausted by all of the things you’re doing for others, it could be a sign that you’re valuing others needs over your own. There’s nothing wrong with wanting do things for others but when obligations towards others becomes more of a priority than yourself it’s usually a sign of low self-esteem.
Difficulty with Self-Care
If you have trouble relaxing or doing things for yourself, it can also be a sign of low self-esteem in women. Having difficulty with self-care is similar to people pleasing in that it taking care of your own needs is last on the list. You might feel guilty for taking the time out to exercise or go for that massage because you “should” be doing something else. The feeling of guilt can be hard to tolerate because it makes us feel like we’re doing something wrong. However, when you have low self-esteem the guilt that comes up when engaging in self-care is often exaggerated because at the core, you don’t believe you deserve to take care of yourself.
As you reflect on the signs of low self-esteem, know that recognizing them is the first step toward positive change. Awareness gives you the power to make intentional choices about how you view yourself and navigate the world. While it might feel overwhelming at first, remember that low self-esteem isn’t fixed—it’s something you can nurture and grow over time. Whether through self-reflection, supportive relationships, or professional guidance, every step you take toward valuing yourself is a step toward a more confident and fulfilling life. You deserve to feel good about who you are, and it’s never too late to start. If you’re wanting some help working on your self-esteem, reach out here for a consultation to see if we’d be a good fit.