“It is precisely our awareness of life’s fragility, of time’s passage, and of our own mortality that gives life its meaning. Anxiety can be a powerful motivator to live fully, to embrace what is important, and to create meaning in the face of life’s uncertainty.” - Irvin Yalom

The holiday season is in full swing and the paradox of emotions it brings is more palpable than ever. I’ve always seen an uptick in existential anxiety and depressive feelings during this time of year but it seems to be even more common this year. In addition to the regular increased stress of the holidays, now we have things like the economy, what’s happening in politics,  and climate change to add to the list of things to worry about. Sounds like “the most wonderful time of year” doesn’t? In this post I’ll be talking about why the holiday season stirs up existential anxiety, diving into the deeper meanings behind family gatherings, traditions, and the passage of time. 

The Weight of Family Gatherings and Expectations

• The Role of Family:

       One of the reasons why the holiday season can be stressful are family gatherings. If you’re someone with a history of tension in your relationship with your family, then you know exactly why the holidays are stressful. This might be the one time of year you’re expected to see your aunt or uncle that shamed you when you are child. Or maybe you’ll be faced with questions that are invasive and you don’t want to get into with your parents, like “so what’s the update in your love life?” Or “is there a baby coming soon?” You also could be faced with criticisms about your appearance if you’ve put on weight…The list goes on and on with why family gatherings could be stressful. 

• Why Seeing Family brings up existential anxiety

    As adults we like to think of ourselves as fully autonomous, independent individuals. It’s so common though to revert back to feeling like a child when visiting your childhood home and interacting with parents that drudge up old feelings of inadequacy. Spending extended amounts of time with parents or extended family can cause you to reflect on personal identity, life choices,  and the passage of time. You may also pressure to meet family expectations or conform to roles that feel outdated or limiting

• Comfort vs Unsettling

    Even if you have a good relationship with your family of origin, family gatherings can still be unsettling. There’s often a tension between the comfort of familial connection and the discomfort of realizing how much has changed or how little we may have grown in certain aspects of life. These thoughts can lead to existential anxiety about our life’s meaning and purpose. 

Traditions: A Mirror to Our Lives and Values

• The Meaning of Traditions
  • Traditions are important in so many ways. They provide a sense of belonging and connection to our heritage and families. They create a sense of stability by creating shared experiences and memories. They also can help foster a sense of identity and reinforce values and help us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. 
• Existential Anxiety Through Tradition
  • While traditions usually have a positive impact on us, they can also bring up existential anxiety through invoking certain questions. As children we don’t really question our family traditions but as adults we tend to think more about the purpose and meaning of traditions. You may start to question what the rituals actually mean and whether they align with your values today. Many people actually feel disconnected from childhood traditions which can create larger questions about how you want to live your life. 
• The Double-Edged Sword of Tradition
  • Traditions can provide a sense of meaning and belonging, while also forcing us to confront the passage of time, loss of loved ones, and personal growth (or lack thereof). I think it’s within this paradox that anxiety often emerges. As humans we often like to see things in black and white, when experiences are both positive and negative our minds often resist this duality. 

The Search for Meaning in the Midst of Celebration (200-250 words)

• Holidays as a Time for Reflection:
  • Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, most people tend to have a slower pace during the holiday season. With time off of work which often serves as a distraction from existential anxiety, it allows space for deep reflection on personal life purpose, relationships, and the meaning of success.
• The Existential Dilemma:
  • With the tendency to buy more things with all the holiday sales, some people may struggle with a sense of meaninglessness during the holidays. The emphasis on material gifts, consumerism, and social expectations can feel hollow in the face of deeper existential questions.
  • One of the most common ways that the holidays can bring up feelings of sadness is the social pressures to be joyful despite the reality for most people; that it’s actually a time that brings up painful feelings. 
• Finding Comfort in the Search for Meaning:
  • While the painful feelings that come up during this holiday season are difficult to feel, they often can shed light on important questions for self-growth and understanding. It’s often through feelings of discomfort that we find meaning and direction in life. I love to encourage my clients to re-frame painful emotions as opportunities to learn about what values are important to them. 

If you’re interested in exploring your existential anxiety or need support navigate family dynamics, reach out for a consultation  to see if we’d be a good fit.